Dear Black Women: Prioritize Your Mental and Emotional Health
Hey Sis, take time for you today…
Your mental and emotional health matter just as much as physical health because they directly affect your overall wellbeing. When you’re mentally healthy, you generally enjoy your life, environment, and the people around you. You have the capacity to be creative, learn, experiment with new things, and take risks. When you are emotionally healthy, you are able to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and you’re well-equipped to cope with life’s challenges. You can keep problems in perspective and be resilient when faced with temporary setbacks. You feel good about yourself and have healthy relationships. Naturally, you can’t be happy all the time, but you are always aware of your emotions and can effectively manage them. Most importantly, you will know when to seek help. Mental and emotional health should therefore be prioritized, and there are diverse ways of improving both. All of them begin with a choice to uproot what is causing your harm.
Effects of poor mental and emotional health
What is happening at home, at work, and in the world affect your wellbeing greatly, especially if you’re a Black woman. The mindset that society carries about Black women is that we are strong, resilient and independent. You know the schema, “Strong Black Woman”. It’s exhausting, harmful and it’s literally killing us. The research shows that this belief translates to us being maladaptive perfectionist with low self-compassion and a lack of collective coping skills. Damn. Regrettably, these beliefs are so powerful that they form the great driving force of how we see ourselves and move through this world. As a result, many are left with poor mental and emotional health because for so long we’ve strived to uphold these beliefs with our thoughts, feelings and actions. Now more and more Black women are saying enough is enough!
Outside of how society has viewed Black women, how we identify within our community and what we carry as a result of our own internal struggles and intergenerational traumas further impact our mental emotional wellbeing. Yes, it would be nice if everything was all positive all the time, but that’s just not the case. Unfortunately, many things happen in life that have a long-term effect on you at every level. It can include:
Abandonment by, or loss of, a parent or parent-figure at a young age.
Physical or emotional abuse by a partner or an older person (during childhood).
A traumatic experience such as a natural disaster, an accident, or violence that takes away your loved ones.
Witnessing constant physical and emotional abuse of a mother or mother-figure by her husband/partner.
A difficult break up or a messy divorce.
An action that creates an endless sense of guilt and shame that cripples you.
An embarrassing incident in childhood that causes anxiety or fear of public speaking.
Continual criticism by a parent or teacher during childhood that causes low self-esteem.
Hurts by a spouse that caused bad energy and trust issues and affect how you behave now.
A fight or disagreement with a friend, relative, co-worker or business partner that ends badly.
Institutional racism in healthcare which leaves essential health needs unmet.
…and the list goes on.
According to scientists, thoughts and feelings are directly linked, and they both affect physical health. Some researchers found that psychological factors influence immunity and immune system mediated disease. They found, “substantial evidence that factors such as stress, negative affect [emotions], clinical depression, social support, and repression/denial can influence both cellular and humoral [lymphatic fluid] indicators of immune status and function.”
Dr. Arien van der Merwe wrote: “More and more research studies show the link between the heart, the emotions, stress and the fact that the heart also functions as a brain… Researchers discovered that emotional stress can indeed produce symptoms of a heart attack… nicknamed the ‘broken heart syndrome’" - (Opening Your Heart, The South African Journal of Natural Medicine, Nov 2007).
Basically, whenever you harbor negative feelings and emotions, your body internalizes and stores it, which leads to physiological changes. If this feeling is sustained, the increase of blood pressure, stress hormones, and chemicals such as the C-reactive protein grossly affect the heart and other organs. Life effectively altered right?
Health effects of persistent negative emotions
Anger that persists creates negative energy which leads to stress, depression, anxiety, and lower immunity. It affects many organs, especially the liver, with symptoms like headaches, skin conditions, lethargy, low energy, and general feelings of irritation.
Bitterness interferes with immunity, metabolism, organ function and the hormones. Scientists have found that bitter angry people have higher blood pressure and heart rate and have higher chances of developing heart disease.
Envy when persistent, makes the heart narrow and gloomy and causes depression and physical diseases.
Greed leads to debt, then stress, then one or more chronic diseases.
Grief when prolonged, releases stress hormones that cause heart problems, lower immunity and early aging. Grief energy is also stored in the lungs and can cause tightness in the chest, chest pain, asthma, recurring bronchitis, shoulder and back pain, coughing, weight loss, etc.
Guilt feelings, if persistent, lead to isolation, shame, fear of discovery, depression, and subsequent substance abuse.
Hatred when strong and persistent, causes mental and physical problems including cancer.
Feeling unloved leads to efforts to fill the void, such as emotional eating, drinking and engaging with substances that leads to life threatening health problems.
Negative beliefs were imprinted onto your mind by past traumatic experiences, family, school, religion, culture, race, the media, stereotypes, etc. They are hidden deep in your psyche, affect your views and interpretation of events, limit you, and are not easy to escape. They steal your ability to be your authentic self and to know your life purpose.
Worry leads to anxiety, stress, depression, heart problems, lower immunity, sleep problems, and problems in many body systems. In the long term, it weakens the digestive fire, lowering hydrochloric acid production and causing bloating, gas, and changes in bowel habits while thinning the gut lining.
So what can you do?
Prioritize mental and emotional health
How can you transform your emotions from negative to positive emotions like joy, peace, love, compassion, loving-kindness, etc.? Analyze yourself to see which deadly emotions rule your life and start shifting them yourself. Seek a board certified therapist who can help you to nurture your mental and emotional health. Use one or more ways of improving mental and emotional health discussed below.
Complimentary therapeutic practices
Yoga
Yoga combines stress-reducing techniques such as breath control, physical exercise, body relaxation, and clearing the mind. Among its many health benefits, it regulates the heart rate, releases endorphins (feel-good hormones), relaxes the body, reduces stress, anxiety, and depression, and decreases the secretion of cortisol (the primary stress hormone).
Meditation
You can try regular meditation as a way to improve your mental and emotional health. It:
· Clears, calms and soothes the mind.
· Reduces worries.
· Relives depression and anxiety.
· Increases self-confidence.
· Promotes personal growth.
You may need to try several meditation techniques till you find one that works for you and we’ve got it in The Garden.
Energy healing
Reiki, energy alchemy, and sound healing are recognized methods of relaxing and healing the mind, reducing stress, anxiety, and improving sleep. It also releases old emotional blockages, helping you to resolve past and present issues. If you are stuck in a relationship, or keep repeating a negative behavior, or keep mourning someone who passed away long ago, you may benefit from these therapeutic healing practices.
Aromatherapy & Plant Medicine
Some essential oils, when inhaled, bathed, or diffused, will lift the mood and relieve depression, anxiety, and stress. You can create herbal blends for teas and to smoke to help calm and soothe. Infusing plant medicine and flower essence into your life can truly improve your wellbeing.
Other methods
Practice positive thinking
Never under-estimate the power of the mind because it determines how you experience the fullness of your life. Maintain a positive mindset and endeavor to walk with grace and equanimity under all circumstances and you will have the residence to overcome many difficulties and illnesses.
Change your belief system
If you have low self-esteem, or believe that you were born to suffer or to be poor, experiment with releasing this antiquated belief system, and reimagine how you can shift into self-worth and compassion. Perhaps it’s as simple as taking time to intentionally daydream about the life you imagine for yourself.
Forgive
Forgive every person who hurt you and caused your resentment, bitterness and anger. Then, never look back! This will heal you, preserve your sanity, reduce your anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, increase your self-esteem, and bring greater life satisfaction.
Forgive yourself
If you have guilt feelings, and the person whom you hurt is around, ask for forgiveness. The other person may or may not forgive you. Forgive yourself all the same, learn your lessons, and move on.
Anger management
Deal with your anger before it causes irreparable damage. Confront the person who angers you calmly and discuss the issue. Be willing to reconcile with yourself if it can’t be done with the person. If your anger is deep-seated from past hurts, seek professional help so that you can work through your wounds.
Socialize
Human beings are not meant to be isolated. Form positive connections with other people in order to function at your best. Phone calls and social networks are not as good as the mood-boosting, stress-busting power of good quality face-to-face time with other people. Particularly, spend time with good listeners who will not judge, interrupt or criticize. You will improve overall health.
Exercise
Besides improving fitness, exercise is also recognized as an essential part of building and maintaining mental health. It increases the secretion of feel-good hormones, improves the mood, and reduces depression, stress and anxiety. Here at R&C we like to exercise by dancing! Try it.
Ways our founder nurtures mental, emotional wellbeing
Ease into your day
“After years of being on a schedule. Having to wake up early so that I can catch flights at all hours of the night and day. I truly enjoy taking my absolute time starting my day. I wake up around six or seven in the morning depending on what time I drifted off the previous night. I don’t touch my phone before 9 am and I schedule all non-essential meeting for after 10 am. I love being with myself and my thoughts. A self pleasure medi-bation (masturbation meditation) is always a welcomed way to start my day.”
Even if you don’t currently have the luxury to take 2 hours for yourself before you start your day, begin with 15 minutes. Try this the 5-5-5 approach:
5 minutes of meditation or prayer with intentional breathing.
5 minutes of journaling or voice recording your hopes and intentions for the day. (You can start with 5 things you’re grateful for.)
5 minutes of gentle movement in the bed.
Just like that, you’ve started your day with loving intention! You can increase the duration as you deepen your practice.
Connect with your girlfriends
“There is nothing more satisfying than gathering with my girls! My calling is bringing people together, so when the ladies gather it’s always a vibe. This is sooo good for my (our) mental health because we can uplift and affirm each other. Sometimes it’s meeting for a meal, other times we to talk about books and current events, and we’re also known to book flights honey!”
A sister circle or goddess gathering as our founder affectionately calls them is a great way for Black women to come together be seen and heard. This is ancient, we’ve been gathering since the beginning of time. There is power in our showing up for one another and affirming our strengths, healing our worries and loving on one another. If your circle is small or your girlfriends are far, try a virtual gathering. One rule: no fucking drama!
Say no often
“Nothing, and I mean nothing gives me greater joy than saying no to everyone and yes to myself! I will intercede even when someone hypothetically speaks into my life if it doesn’t resonate with my Spirit. As a Black Indigenous woman I’m not doing one thing that doesn’t serve me. To many Black women have been saying yes to everyone but ourselves, because we’ve wanted a seat at some raggedy ass table. I say, fuck your table and provide me with a luxurious bed to lounge on!”
You can say no. Experiment with saying no daily. If there are things that your friends, family, or coworkers ask of you and you truly don’t resonate. Reclaim your voice and your time by saying no. Take it further, offer no explanation because honestly, you don’t owe anyone that. Use your discretion at work, but it’s essential to set boundaries in the workplace because helloooo emotional labor Black women are not being compensated for! Take note of the situations in your life that you feel deteriorate your mood and decrease your energy. Recognizing where the vibes are can help you to advocate for yourself.
Audit your relationships
“I’ve always taken stock of my relationships because I endeavor to practice some level of non-attachment in my life. Also, my Gigi taught me that people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So I believe it’s important to be aware of where people are on the journey. I also audit my relationship with myself because if I’m not meeting my needs, how could I ever require that of anyone else? It’s okay for relationships and old patterns to end. In fact, as I grow and expand they will naturally fall away. The check-in is to see if I’m clinging tooth and nail to sustain them!”
Have you perceived or felt there is something missing or lacking in your immediate relationships (attention, support, affection)? An audit can give you the space to explore what it would it look like if your needs were met. Perhaps you can do some self inquiry about how you can meet the need, but maybe it’s an opportunity to engage and communicate with your partner(s). Developing a practice of vulnerability with yourself and others deepens intimacy and also allows you to express your needs.
Develop a leisure practice
“I know rest and relaxing are all the rage in the wellness world at the moment. Like most things, I’ve always just done the shit not talked about it. Rest, naps, sleep, relaxing that’s always been a priority for me. I get that from my mother, that’s loaded, but the more I heal my relationship with her, the more I see myself. My mama loves to relax, she loves free time, she taught me to make time for play and self-devotion. She bestowed my first kitten heel & furry rob set when I was six, it was purple. She taught me to kick back, read and practice the self-care rituals gleaned from my grandmothers. Even now, my home is a haven for pleasure and play because of them.”
Leisure is all about giving yourself time and space to just be. It isn’t about doing, it’s not about laboring. Leisure can look like anything that bring you joy and pleasure. Do you like to cook, paint, dance, daydream, write? These are great examples of leisure that can have an abundance of connection with the divine feminine within. Invite more hobbies that bring joy into your life, not just profit! A leisure practice that all of us should be embodying is sleep. Sleep is directly linked to mental and emotional health. Black women there is no doubt in my mind, we could use more rest.
Choose you sis!
Indeed Black woman, your mental and emotional health matter most and must be prioritized. Find ways to transmute every moment of your life into an energy that’s worthy of your Divinity. Learn to love yourself, treat yourself with respect, and meet your own needs first. Eat more nourishing vibrationally resonate foods and move your body to a groove, these are great practices for the soul. Make pleasure a priority and your wellbeing will increase as a result.
You’ll find an abundance of therapeutic practices for your mental and emotional health like those mentioned above in our online portal The Garden. If you feel called to 1:1 immersive support explore here.
Be well.
By Rooted & Crowned
